


Take This Heart (Heal It Or Break It All Apart)

by dont_cry_larry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry ignores him, Harry is basically an asshole in half of this story, I'm not sure if I should continue this with a second part, Liam and Niall are barely in this story, M/M, Sad Louis, based on a request, but they make up again, loads of crying, they're on a break like right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 14:14:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5747494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_cry_larry/pseuds/dont_cry_larry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>"</strong>Harry is my soulmate, my other half, the love of my life. That's what my solutions were of of thinking about my best friend during the last years. I can't get him out of my head.</p>
<p>I'm not Harry's soulmate though. And I get that, I really do. But, it doesn't give Harry the right to ignore me. Doesn't make it forgivable that he barely speaks to me.<strong>"</strong></p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Harry has been ignoring his best friend during these past few weeks and Louis is completely broken by his actions. He wants to find out how, wants to know why Harry is so weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take This Heart (Heal It Or Break It All Apart)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sassy_Boo_Bear](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Boo_Bear/gifts).



> I got this amazing request by Sassy_Boo_Bear (thanks so much!) and had to immediately start writing it.  
> The titel is from the Litte Mix song 'leave me or love me'. I completely adore it.

_"Harry! Harry, listen to me!" I yell, running after him. "Harry, Haz!" I'm so close to breaking down in tears, in desperation. He can't be serious right now, he's not even stopping or turning around._

_"Talk to me, please! Just say something." My voice breaks. I feel a tear running down my face. Why is he ignoring me, what is he even doing? "Harry."_

_I can't breath, I can't breath! My heart is pounding in my chest as I try to reach out for his arm, but I dont' feel it. I don't get a grip, it's like touching air. It's like touching nothing. Nothing._

_"Harry!" I pant and run to keep up with him and his long legs. "Harry." My sobs are getting louder and I look up to meet his eyes. But, they only stare ahead, as if I wasn't there. I try to get his attention, walking backwards in front of him, crying out his name, but he doesn't react._

_"Haz, Haz." I am so weak. Breaking down and crying loudly in front of my best mate. "Harry!" I stop walking because I am just too exhausted, he doesn't stop though. I open my arms and want to hug him, to finally finally hug him. He just continues staring ahead and walks right through me._

_I feel like all of my energy is being sucked out of me and I fall to the ground with a loud sob. I land on my knees and am huddled on the floor, trying to get any air in my lungs. I feel my head spinning and lose my balance, falling to the side and knocking my head on the ground._

_Suddenly the floor gives out underneath me and I fall into darkness. I feel the air hitting my face and drying the tears, and the cold wind blowing along my whole body. I shiver. It's so dark and cold around me and suddenly there's light and the sun blinding me. I am somewhere in a complete white room and don't see any way out._

_I start panicking, my breath becoming faster again, my chest heaving as I stand up, losing my balance again and having a big problem to stand straight._

_"Louis."_

_I look up when I hear the deep voice I came to love so much. But, my hearbeat stops when I see Harry standing there with a mischivous grin on his face, his eyebrows raised as the corners of his lips are pointed upwards. Harry lets out a laugh, I am not sure if it is about me._

_"Louis."_

_I turn around to see Harry standing there with the same expression on his face, starting to chuckle quietly. I look back and the first Harry is still standing there, laughing just as the other one._

_My hear feels squished in my chest and I take a deep breath, trying to get out some words. Trying to tell them to stop, but my voice doesn't work. I swallow and try again, but I just can't._

_"Louis."_

_I whirl around to see a third of them standing there, slowly holding his hand up and starting to laugh loudly, pointing his finger at me._

_"Louis."_

_"Louis."_

_"Louis."_

_"Louis."_

_I try to scream, try to get away, maybe even run, but I can't move, can't get out a single syllable. My hands find my face and I bury it in them, hot and salty tears running down my cheeks. I feel hot all over, starting to sweat as I hear Harry's loud laughs again and again._

_Why won't it stop?_

_Make it stop!_

_I sob out loudly, biting down on my own finger to stop the sounds. I scream, yell, try to hit the Harrys coming closer and closer to me, still pointing their fingers at me and laughing with their deep voices._

_Stop!_

-

I open my eyes wide and sit up straight in my bed, my heartbeat so fast I'm scared it will explode. I am gasping for air, trying to kick the blanket off my body as I seach for the switch of the lanp on the nightsand next to me. I swallow when I look around the room. Of course, it's like I left it.

The wardrobe open and a few shirts scattered on the floor. The blanket is now laying next to it. On my small desk are sheets of paper neatly- or not so neatly- laying on top of each other.

My breathing doesn't calm down as I stand up and walk through the room with only my boxers on. It's a little cold, but I'm grateful for that. My damp hair is sticking to my forehead and I have tons of sweat glistening on my arms and back. Oh, lord.

It was only a dream, it was nothing more than my fantasy playing with me. This wasn't reality.

My troat is dry as I look at my alarm clock. 5.46 am.

Maybe I should stand up already. I don't feel like falling asleep again and continuing to dream about Harry laughing at me. Furthermore, I am not even one little bit tired anymore. I went to bed late yesterday, well, today to be honest, but I can't think about closing my eyes anymore. I'm in some state of shock right now.

So, I decide to go to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of milk and calm down a little. I sit down on one of the wooden chairs Harry selected when we bought the furniture for our flat with the glass of the white liquid in front of me. I take it and gulp the half of it down, shuddering at the cold feeling washing down my throat.

When I've finished the glass, I go to the connected living room and sit down on the dark grey couch in front of the TV, reaching out for the remote and turning it on. I take the thin blanket and place it over my body, slowly starting to feel cold.

I skip a few morning shows and the news until I settle for some action movie, trying to concentrate on the plot of the movie, but my mind always drifts of the dream I just had. Was that a sign? A sign that I have to stop trying to get Harry back? That I have to give up? To try stop loving him?

But, that won't happen. I've already tried to get over it. It won't happen. I've spent so much time trying to forget Harry and his stupidly hot tattos. His strong and big biceps and how he always bites on his lip when he thinks about something too much. I've already tried that and I'm certain that I won't make it happen.

Harry is my soulmate, my other half, the love of my life. That's what my solutions were of of thinking about my best friend during the last years. I can't get him out of my head.

I'm not Harry's soulmate though. And I get that, I really do. But, it doesn't give Harry the right to ignore me. Doesn't make it forgivable that he barely speaks to me.

Even if he knows about me and my feelings towards him, he really shouldn't act as if we are stangers, as if we've never seen each other before. I sigh as I cuddle closer into the blanket, wishing Harry was here to just keep me warm.

But either way he is still out with one of his friends, drinking and partying, or he is sleeping in the guestroom, that turned to his own during the last few weeks. I'm not kidding, he even bought a desk and some more things for that room, that he won't have to share it with me anymore. He doesn't move out though.

Hasn't yet at least.

Somewhere while thinking about my best mate, my eyes are falling shut and I start to drift of again in a light and slghtly uncomfortable sleep on the couch.

-

I am being woken up by someone groaning in annoyance and when I open my eyes, Harry is standing in front of the couch, rolling his own. His hands are placed sassily on his lips as he mutters something under his breath, before turning around and walking into the kitchen and making himself a cup of tea.

Just one cup though. Something like that breaks my heart, I mean. He used to always make me some tea as well, even when I wasn't home! I once can home at about noon and saw one mug of tea empty and standing on the kitchen counter and one still filled with cold tea. It's like he suddenly had a change of his mind and started hating me.

"Harry, can you make me one too?" I ask, standing up and following him. He doesn't react. "Harry, please," I try again, before sighing and walking back to my room, where I get dressed.

When I come back, there's no cup of tea for me. Not that I expected anything else.

I take an apple and eat it, sitting down on the chair I sat on before, while waiting for the kettle to finish boiling the water I just poured in it. Harry is sitting on the couch now, hands around his own mug, warming them up. He's staring straight ahead at the blank screen of the TV. It's like in my dream.

"Harry?" He doesn't even flinch. "Harry, listen-"

The doorbell rings. Great, what a fucking perfect timing. Harry gets up and walks across the room to open the door, smiling brightly when Niall jumps into him, pulling him in for a hug.

"H, nice to see you. It's great that you two had time for us to come over," Niall is grinning as he walks over to me, hugging me too. Niall's a hugger, he definitely is.

"Harry, you didn't even tell me," I call out, but he just ignores me. He talks to Liam, doing this weird handshake they always do, before Liam comes over to me as well. We pat each other's backs and he smiles at me comfortingly.

He always knows if something is up with me. He knows that I haven't been feeling well at all during the last few weeks and probably even knows that Harry's the reason, but he doesn't pressure me to tell him. I really appreciate that. Especially when he always shows me that he's there for me and I can talk to him, no matter what.

I just give him a short nod as an answer, before going to the kitchen counter and taking a cup out of the cupboad, pouring the tea that is finished by now in it. I take it in my hands, throwing the apple away and sitting down on the couch, on the opposite side from where Harry is sitting. I don't want to make him feel pressured or something.

Niall and Liam come too, sitting down between us and turning the TV and playstation on. "Fifa?" Niall raises his eyebrow and looks at me expectantly.

I let out a small chuckle, before taking the controller and answering, "As long as I'll beat you of course."

"Then you shouldn't even start, Tomlinson." Niall nudges his shoulder against mine and I roll my eyes, concentrating on the screen.

I win. Of course I do, Niall is shit at playing fifa, really.

The next game, I play against Liam, which is a little more difficult, but I win as well. When Harry wants to play, too, I hand my controller over to Liam, who shoots me a weird glance. But I just shrug it off, always do.

I suddenly feel a wave of nausea overcoming me and I close my eyes, leaning back against the couch, relaxing. It helps, and I don't think anything more about it. After a minute or so, I stand up to get some water and ask the boys if they want something too, but all of them just shake you head, including Harry, who looks at me with his eyebrows furrowed. He sees that I'm not feeling well, he knows me. I quickly shake my head and go to the kitchen and get myself something to drink.

When I come back, the three of them took over the whole space of the couch and I groan, sitting down on the armchair next to it, after moving it so I can look at the TV as well.

"Lou, you wanna go out too?" Liam asks turning to me shortly, before training his eyes back at the screen.

"Go out?" I ask him. I really don't feel like going to some club later on, I am already tired again. I just wanna lay in bed all day, if I'm being honest. Without any nightmare of course.

"Yeah, like clubbing, partying, y'know? What you do with your friends when you are getting bored and all?" Liam challenges, his eyes still focused on the game.

"You're bored? We have the number of the pizza service and a playstation and fifa. There's no reason to be bored, Liam," I settle back against the comfortable chair. I remember how me and Harry always used to cuddle on it. Most of the time me ending up on his lap, curled up and being hugged close to his chest. I miss these times, miss being so close to him.

"C'mon, Louis. You know what we mean. It'll be fun," Niall sends a glare in my direction, making me sigh and point his tongue out at him.

"I don't know. I'm not feeling so well..." I trail off, but wince a little when Harry suddenly yells. I look over to him, seeing him with his hands in the air and a bright grin on his face.

"I win. Ha, Liam! Take that, I win!" I smiles lightly at his reaction, he looks so cute like that. All giddy and dimples popping out. It's adorable. I don't understand how he has such different kind of personalities. I mean, he's always Harry. But he sometimes is goofy and just really fun to be with, laughing and smiling all the time, and the other times, he's just so dark. I don't know how to explain it and it's not even a bad dark, but just so different. You can see his whole face change in a matter of seconds sometimes, going to dark green eyes and a frown forming on his forehead. But, god, it's hot.

"Lou, it's obvious," Niall murmurs, leaning over and talking quietly to me. I blush and look away from Harry immediately, looking down at my lap. Even Niall knows what's up. So, of course Harry does, too.

This is all so dumb, is he really ignoring me because of my feelings? Because that would be so shitty from him, he's not such an asshole. I thought I know him better. My best friend.

"You're comin' with us tonight." Niall winks and pats my thigh, before standing up and getting four beers out of mine and Harry's fridge. "It's gon' get your mind off, ya know," he tells me when he gets back, smiling comfortingly.

"Of what?" Harry chimes in, but I choose to ignore him, too. He shouldn't know what we are talking about anyways, even though he might know it already.

"Everything. Louis' a lil stressed these past weeks. Pal, we have a break from all the screamin' fans for more than a year still, you should calm down." Niall answers Harry and then turns around to meet my eyes with his warm, blue ones.

"I don't know, I miss them already. And I'll miss you too." My words are directed to Harry mostly, and he seems to know, looking down at his lap and playing with his rings while swallowing. "Especially when we're all going to visit our families."

"Hey, we're all gon' see each other more than not anyways. Don't think about missin' us." Niall is such a sweetheart, god, how I love this boy. I smile, and nod, before he jumps up and over to me, pulling me in for a tight and friendly hug. "Hey, it's alright. You'll make up, yeah?" Niall pats my shoulder, but before we could pull away, Liam yells out.

"Group hug!" And one more person joins our hug. I know Harry stood up and his arms are somewhere tangled between the others, but he's careful not to touch me, really careful. It's sad, considering we have always been the best friends.

-

"Oi, Liam, Harry, Imma go over to that girl there." Niall nods towards a blond girl with a short blue dress. She's pretty. "Can you look out for Louis? He doesn't look so good right now. Make sure he doesn't drink anymore." I snort. I don't feel well.

Harry ignores Niall's question, turning back to whoever bloke he was talking to, pointing his back to me.

The whole room is spinning and I need to hold onto the bar behind me that I won't fall. I just drank two vodka and coke cocktails and three beers. That's not much at all. Well, maybe it is after all.

"Can't Lou do this for himself? He's andult, Ni. It's not like I am his dad," Liam groans, before his hands find his hair, driving through it and looking at this one girl out of the corner of his eyes. He's been repeating that movement the last half an hour at least fifty times.

"Y'know I am right here next to you and can hear you. I am capable of calling a cab," I sight as I look at the both of them, who are chuckling.

"Right, of course," Niall nods, before walking over to the blond girl. Liam dissapears a few moments later as well, leaving me standing alone at the bar. What a pathetic live. I see a girl eyeing me and I just roll my eyes, turning around. I'm not into girls. And right now not into guys either, my heart belongs to Harry, as sappy as thast sounds. And, I'm not going to sleep with some sluts. I'm someone who thinks of sex as a way of showing love to their partner.

It's not just some funny business. But, everyone's got their own opinion, right?

I turn around and raise my hand, waving at the bartender. He comes over to me and I order two shots of something strong. I want to forget.

It turns out to not have been such a good idea after about fifteen minutes, when I feel a wave of dizziness wash over me. I grab the wood of the bar next to me, digging my fingernails into it and wait a moment until it's finished. When I'm starting to feel a little better though, I get the feeling I had from before, while I was sitting on the couch, again. I feel sick, oh god, I'm gonna throw up.

I breath in and out deeply, closing my eyes and trying to relax my body. It's working, yes, it's working. I'm still a little dizzy, but I feel better. Alright, I can do this.

"Harry?" I ask, tapping his shoulder. "Harry, I'm not feeling all that good," I swallow, squeezing my eyes shut as I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, it feels like someone's stabbed a sword through it.

"Shit," I groan, my hands finding my stomach and holding it and pressing down where it's hurting the most. "Harry, shit." I get a grip on his shoulder and squeez it, but he just shrugs it off, not even turning around.

I let out a loud gasp, stumbling backwards a little. Oh god, what's happening to me. I open my eyes and only see black. I'm gonna faint, oh god, I'm gonna black out. "Harry! Harry!" I yell, I can't find him anymore. I shake my head, my hands gripping the bar tightly as I try to hold myself up.

I'm starting to be able to see again, my eyes blinking as I look around to find Harry. When I see him again, I rush over to him, clinging to his side and and hold onto his arms, whimpering as I feel the stabbing in my stomach again. I feel tears building up in my eyes and I let out a quiet whimper of Harry's name.

But, the man just shoves me away, before turning to me and starting to yell. "God, you are so annoying! Can't you just shut up and let me alone?" His face looks angry when I look up from stumbling away, but the expression changes immediately.

"Oh god," I whimper again and hold my stomach as I make my way through the crowded club.  
Fighting back tears, I am shoved by a few people accidentally, but I can't stand straight anymore. I'm going to lose balance any time now. It's so hot in here, sticky bodies all around me and I don't get any air. My breath quickens and I can feel my heartbeat skipping. I stumble to the side and have to put all my force in not falling to the ground.

Of course this asshole would scream at me. Why did I even ask him? I let out a pathetic sob as I come closer to my way out of the club. But, suddenly there are big and warm hands on my waist, holding me steady.

I know it's Harry. I know it's him, because of the way his thumbs are pressing in my back and because of the way Harry's fingers curl around my waist. It's because of how Harry smells and how he stops me to walk and turns me around.

"Lou, stop. Let me help you," he says with his deep and calm voice.

"Shut the fuck up, Harry! You're such an asshole!" I yell and step back, pushing at his chest to make him go away, but I only stumble backwards, nearly falling to the floor. I catch myself in time though and stand straight again.

My head, oh, my head! It's hurting so much right now, I feel how all the music presses me down and close my eyes, putting my hands over my ears and scream. Though, no one actually notices, but Harry, because he just pulls me to his chest and wraps his strong arms around me.

"Shh..." Harry murmurs in my ear, "Shh, I'm here, Lou. I'm here now."

I want to push him away again, want to hit him, slap him, but right now I want him to hold me. I feel so sick and my headache is getting worse while the pain in my stomach is too. I wrap my arms around Harry's neck and press myself close to him as I start to cry.

I cry out all the frustration from the last few weeks, cry out all the dissapointness. I cry because Harry left me, ignored me, and I cry because of the physical pain I am feeling right now. But, mostly I cry because I missed him, missed my lovely, lovely Harry.

Harry holds still around me, letting me cry into his shouldern in the middle of the dance floor, people grinding against each other around us. It should bother me, really, but it doesn't because I have Harry pressed up against me.

I can't stop the crying once I've started, but Harry doesn't pull away, he just takes his phone out shortly to call a taxi. Then, he pulls me up in his arms, so he is carrying me, and walks out of the room. I just continue to stay in his arms, my legs wrapped around his waist and my face pressed tightly into the junction of his neck and shoulder. Oh, how I've missed this.

I feel the cold air hitting my back and I shiver slighlty, having Harry pull my closer. I still haven't stopped crying, but I'm not loud anymore. Just small tears rolling down my cheek as I have my arms circled tightly around Harry's neck, never letting him go.

The taxi pulls up in front of us and we climb in it, Harry having to put my seatbelt on and make sure I don't open it and climb on his lap during the ride. He has his arms around me again, petting my hair as I sniffle into his chest.

"I missed you, Haz," I whimper, my hands gripping his shirt tightly in my small fists. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, Lou," Harry answers and presses a small kiss to my head, before getting back to petting it. His big hands is stroking over my back and trying to calm me down, succeding. I am barely even sniffling a few minutes later, my head only laying on his chest and my legs draped over his thighs.

We arrive at our flat and Harry pays the driver, before tugging me inside the house, where he lays me down on the couch. He kneels down on the floor next to me, his hands never leaving me. Always touching me in a way. My back, my waist, my face.

I grip his hand, that is laying on my stomach, tightly as I look into his eyes. My bottom lip is quivering and I have to swallow to make sure no whimpers are escaping my mouth anymore. "H-Harry," I croak, making him look me in the eyes. "Why'd you do that?"

"Mh, what do you mean?"

"Ignore me. I thought you hate me. What did I do wrong?" I can see his adam's apple bobbing as he squeezes my hand in his big and warm one. He is smiling sympathetically at me, but I can see internally he is freaking out. I know him too well, that he can't hide anything from me. Well, anything but this one reason.

"I wouldn't ever hate you," he reassures me, his thumb stoking over my stomach, before lifting his other hand and putting it on my cheek, softly holding it there and just looking at me. "I'll give you some cold water and then you're going to go to bed, okay? We'll talk about it tomorrow," he says, pulling away and standing up before walking into the kitchen.

I can see him from there and I look at him while he takes out a glass and fills it with water. He comes back not even a minute later and hands me the water, helping me to sit up again.

"You wanna sleep in my bed?" Harry asks when I'm finished, making me look up at him with big eyes, lip tugged between my lips.

"Did you really just ask me?" I chuckel watery. I try to stand up, but fall back down on the soft cushion again. Harry reacts immediately and helps me stand up again, steady hands holding my hips in place and then I am standing again. Not by myself, because Harry is holding me up, but at least I am.

"Careful, Lou," he smiles, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear and I shudder lightly. We walk to his room and I let myself fall into the bed instantly, already knocked out halfway.

I just feel Harry removing my jeans and sweater, before he puts a soft and big shirt on me. I lay down again and close my eyes, soon feeling a warm presence pressed against my back. I snuggle back against the warmth and when Harry wraps his arm around my waist, I am out.

-

I groan, rolling around and being met with something warm and soft. I blink my eyes open, seeing Harry smile at me lighlty, reach out to stroke a strand of hair out of my face.

"Shit," I mumble, pulling away and sitting up immediately, my hands moving to my head when I feel a sharp pain there. I swallow harshly, looking around and seeing Harry laying there with his forehead wrinkled.

"What's wrong, Lou?"

"What- what's wrong?!" I wince at my own words. "I- you're asking me what's wrong? You've been ignoring me for weeks and don't even care to explain. Is this supposed to me a joke?" I raise my eyebrows, standing up and glaring at him.

"I just-"

I cut him of. "Shut up. Just let it be, I don't even want an explanation. I'm gonna take a shower and if you dare to walk into the bathroom during the next fifteen minutes I'm gonna kill you," I hiss, before exiting out of the room and slamming the door behind me.

I was weak yesterday, I shouldn't have let him believe I forgave him. He's hurt me too much, to be forgiven this easily. I swallow as I make my way towards the bathroom, already stripping of the shirt, Harry gave me yesterday. I throw it somewhere on the floor, not really caring where it lands. Hopefully in some crumbs of crisps.

While I turn on the shower, I take out some pills for my headache and swallow them down with a little water. When the water's turned warm, I step under the shower, closing my eyes at the relaxing feeling.

I take one of the bottles of shampoo and wash my hair and body with it. Only a few minutes later I am done with it, but not ready to step out of the shower. It's like another small world, like I can keep my problems out there and the water washes away all my thoughts for a few minutes. Like I feel at least a little free.

I miss this feeling. A lot.

Of course there's been a few up and down's in my life, but the last few weeks were absolute hell. Harry can't be serious and just act as if nothing happened. He hurt me, he broke my heart!

My vision becomes blurry and I blink a few times, wanting the tears to finally dissapear. I am sick of crying. Always when I feel too much pressure, I can't help but let out tears. It's horrible.

I turn off the shower, wiping away the few tears, and step out of it. I grab a big towel and dry myself, before wrapping it around my waist and going out of the bathroom, I wish it had a lock.

"Lou?" I look up and see Harry standing there with a frown on his forehead still. He doesn't loook all that good either. His hair is wild and standing up in all directions and he is only wearing an old band t-shirt and boxers. He's still gorgeous though. So incredibly gorgeous.

"Lemme alone," I grumble, walking past him and expecting him to just leave me. But he doesn't. He goes after me, pushing his foot in the doorway when I want to close the door behind me.

"Have you been crying?" He asks and I truns around to look at him. This is unbelievable.

"No, y'know? I've been so happy and laughed all the time while you ignored me! God, you have no clue how much you hurt me!" I yell, coming closer to him and pushing at his chest. I have tears building up in my eyes again while I shove him out of my room. He's stronger than me, definitely. But, he's probably so shocked, that he didn't expect me to become physical.

I slam the door behind me for the second time today, sighting and falling back against it.

My eyes close again, fighting back tears. I breath in and out slowly, trying to calm down. This can't be happening. I can't cry over this asshole again. He should cry. Not me. He hurt me, hurt me so bad and I just can't let it be. This was serious, is serious. I want him back so badly, but I can't forgive him just yet. Couldn't help but feel cheated on if I went back to him and into his arms.

My hands come up and cover my face, wiping away the tears and trying to wipe away the pain I'm feeling. It's not working.

I sniffle once or twice, before straightening up and going over to my wardrobe where I get out a comfortable outfit. I don't feel like going out. I've never felt like it during the last week.

When I'm done changing and made myself look at least a little less like I've cried, I get out of my room and into the kitchen to make a little breakfast for me. I'm not really hungry, but I should eat a bit. When I arrive though, there's a cup of tea standing on the counter and it's mad just the way I like it. I turn around to see Harry sitting at the table, a cup in his hands as well, smiling lightly at me. 

Then, I realise that there's two plates with pancakes and bacon on the table and when I look at Harry again, he quickly turns his head, trying not to meet my eyes.

"So I guess you'll have someone over?" I ask, my eyesbrows raising.

"Lou, don't be so cold. You know that's for you. I used to always make breakfast."

"Used to, yeah. Before you started ignoring me for a reason I can't explain!" My voice is wavy and I am sick of crying the whole time. I need to get over it.

"L-Louis, I-"

"No, just- just let it be. Let's eat now," I sigh, sitting down on the opposite of the table.

We eat in silence, but I can see that Harry wants to say something. He surely doesn't want to explain, there isn't an explanation, I'm sure. But, he somehow wants to talk himself out of this.

It's nice of him to make me breakfast again, there's no denying. And it tastes like heaven, of course. Harry is born to cook, he's amazing at it.

-

During the next few days, Harry continues cooking for me. He sometimes even knocks on the door of my room and comes in with tea and a self made cupcake or something. It's nice. It almost feels as if everything is like before. Almost.

"Lou, you wanna watch a movie?" Harry knocks on my door, coming in without me answering. He didn't even have to knock. There wouldn't be a difference.

"I don't know," I shrug, turning around again that my back is facing him. I go back to sorting out a few clothes and putting them in a suitcase. I hear Harry gasp when he comes closer and sees what I'm doing.

"What- where are you going?" His voice is so quiet, so soft. I nearly feel bad for what I'm planning to do.

"I'm leaving. Go back home. I wanna visit my family," I tell him. I need to go. Finally be free of Harry, at least for a few days. But, I don't sound sure of myself at all and when I look up, I see Harry's face in horror.

"I thought this is your home," he croaks out and I sigh, standing up and walking over to him. Not too close though.

"Harry, everytime I look at you, I feel like I'm forcing you to be n-nice to me. I feel like you- like you don't want me t-to be here anymore, like you just act polite around me." Tears are building up in my eyes again and I look down at the floor, that he doesn't see me crying. "When I see you, I want to just cry and I am short before breaking down when you look at me with that look of pity."

I feel a big hand under my chin and it lifts my head up a little until mine and Harry's eyes are meeting.

"Lou, I- you shouldn't think that. It's not true. At all," he looks me in the eye and I can see he's serious. I know when he's lying and he's definitely not right now. "I promise you, I'll explain. Let me make us dinner and then I'll tell you. It's something serious." Harry smiles at me, wiping as small tear away. And before I can even answer, he pulls me in a tight hug.

I want to step away at first, but then I fell him squeeze me tightly and starting to shake slightly. Oh god, he's crying. I swallow hardly, before I wrap my arms around his shoulder and lean into him, holding him close to me. He just tightens his grip around me and nuzzles his face into my neck.

We stay like this for a long time, not feeling like ever letting go. And the atmpsphere is so soft, so light and comfortable. Harry has long since stopped crying, doesn't even shake anymore and is now only laying his forehead on my shoulder while his hands grip my waist tighlty, pulling us flush against each other.

"Promise you won't leave?" He asks, his voice quiet and smooth as he whispers into my ear.

"I can't promise. But I'll stay to hear you explain." It's shouldn't be such a big thing. He should just tell me the reason for that. Something tells me there is more than that, though. That there is something important to be said. Something that's even more important than the reason for his behaviour.

"Okay." I know Harry doesn't like my answer, but he'll have to live with that. I don't know why I haven't left earlier anyways. I should've done that, but maybe then we couldn't make up, like we might be doing right now. "Thank you."

"You know, I'm not forgiving you yet," I tell him, careful. I don't want him to cry again. We are still wrapped around each other, our limbs tangled and our bodies pressed close to each other. I don't want to let go.

"I know. I'm just glad you're giving me a chance to make it up." Harry then pulls away slightly, smiling happily. And to be honest, I haven't seen him like this in a long time. It looks like he is glowing.

We step backwards, both. I immediately miss the warmth of him.

"I'll make something to eat now, Lou. You could just, like, come too? Like we used to?"

I nod.

"Great, c'mon," Harry smiles brightly, taking my hand in his and tugging me towards the kitchen. I feel my heartbeat quickening and my breath hitches as he interwines our fingers.

I sit down on the counter while Harry pulls out all the ingredients for the meal he is cooking. At first it's awkward, me watching Hary's every move, but when he starts talking about the prank Niall pulled on him a few weeks ago, I start laughing loudly.

He looks at me with a fond look on his face and I blush a little, before looking down at my lap. Harry squeezes my thigh comfortingly, before going back to cooking.

It's always been easy to talk with Harry. For me at least. And not because we have a lot in common, really not, it's neither because we've gone through the same things, but probably because we've understood each other form the very start. I still remember Harry's cute shocked face when we met in the toilet and he accidentally peed on my shoe. It was adorable.

It's difficult to go back to being best friends, but we can still talk. Talk about everything and anything. About our family, our problems, out past, our future. It's nice being able to speak with Harry about all these things, I've missed it.

We both sit down on out table with the food, smiling and laughing at something an interviewer said some time ago.

"I already miss going on tour," Harry admits and I nod, digging my fork in the meat and starting to eat.

"I do, too. We've been doing that for five years now. It's so weird to have some free time." I chew on the food and flutter my eyes closed at the heavenly taste. I didn't even realise I am so hungry.

When I open my eyes again, I can see Harry quickly looking down at his plate, a ligh blush coating his cheeks. Has he been looking at me?

"But, isn't it great to have some more time for ourselves? Like, we get to sleep in and do whatever we want to do. We could just book a flight to the other end of the world and no one would stop us." He quickly distracts me from his reaction.

"Yeah, that's great. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Like I said, I miss this crazy life, but it's nice to just chill sometimes. And we're going to be back some time anyways." I pop another piece of meat in my mouth.

"Yeah." Harry just nod.

The next few minutes are spend eating quietly, but comfortably. It's really nice.

-

"-and then I told him to go and turn around, but he just didn't budge, y'know?"

"Harry?" My voice is quiet, he probably didn't hear it.

"I asked him politely and then again, but he just looked at me like he was deep in thoughts. That can happen, of course, but-"

"Harry?" This time I'm a little louder and he looks up, his head a tilted to the side. "Why were you so mean to me?"

HIs face goes pale and he clears his throat. "I- I found something out. Y'know, how we always act together and that we don't really have boundaries. We just- we just do. And I loved it, I still do. I love our relationship and I noticed a few more things. I just- I couldn't help but realise that there's more than friendship that you feel. I-"

I cut him off, standing up abruptly that the chair falls down, but I don't care. "You hate me for it? Is that it? You hate me that I fell in love with you and you started ignoring me?" I can't believe that this is Harry. Harry, who has been my best friend for the last years. Harry, who told me that he loves me no matter what. And he stopped talking to me because of that?

"No! No no no, Louis, shh." Harry jumps up and has his arms tangled around me a second later, rubbing his warm and big hands over my back and then they are on my cheeks, making me look up at him. "No, no, listen. I found out about your feelings and I realised that I feel the same. Louis, that was my dumbest reaction ever. I was so scared, god, I couldn't imagine what our lives would be like. How they would change. And I thought, if I just ignored you for a while, it would all go away. That my feelings would stop. But, they just grew. Every time I saw you sad, my heart felt as if it was ripped out of my chest. I didn't know what to do. I just- I love you so much."

"You got to be kidding me." I can hear my heartbead, it's so loud and fast. "You knew that I love you back and you tried to stop your feelings? God, you're so dumb!" But, a huge grin spreads over my face as I look up at Harry.

And suddenly, we are kissing.

His hands are on my cheeks, in my hair, on my back, my sides, my waist. They don't stop moving, holding me and pushing me closer to him. I have my arms wrapped around his neck as I stand up on my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his forcefully.

We kiss, our lips moving slowly against each other. Our movements are careful, because everything is so new, so different, but so good. Harry slips his tongue in my mouth and I start giggling at the feeling, pulling away slightly.

"Lou," Harry says breathlessly. "Lou, you ruined our first kiss." I am scared his face will break, because of the big smile he has on his lips.

I just roll my eyes, before climbing back on the kitching counter, spreading my legs and gesturing him to come over. He goes standing between my thighs, his eyebrows furrowed as he looks at me with a questioning look.

"You're too tall, my neck is already hurting," I just laugh, before pulling him closer with my legs and pressing my mouth to his again.

"Well," he mumbles against my lips. "I guess you'll have to get used to it."

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me if I should continue this. I'm not sure if I like this end, so would you want one mpre part of this, like a 'sequel'? Probably with make up sex?   
> Comment if you want that!
> 
> (my twitter is @dxnt_crx_lxvx and my intagram @louis.in.love, so check them out if you want! Xx)


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